LOST

One word that have deeply meaning.
Just last monday i've lost a person thats been giving all of her life devoted to me... Breast feeding me when i was a child, help me to walk, teach me how to read, working her ass to gave me clothes to wear, best education and so many other beatifull things.

For the past 6 years she keep her illnes in silence. She never want to look ill in front of us her family. She always gave me the best things. Even the last time i met her, it was last saturday, 2 days before she passes away, she giving me her best smile when i come home. She ask me to sit by her side at the porch, watching people that passes by doing the construction near my house. We talked and then she ask,"Kamu bahagia, den?"

Instead of aswering what she ask, i gave her question back,"Kenapa Mama tanya gitu?" One simple anwer that i've got from her is,"Mama cuma pengen mastiin aja kalo kamu memang bahagia dengan kerja kamu yang sekarang, seneng sama hidup kamu!" And i said YES to her.
I do happy with my life right now, i have great carreer, great job, great partner, great friends and many other great things that i have right now.

At that time i wasn't realize anything at all, till it appears again in my head when i have to put the soil with my bare hand throwing in to her 'lifetime hole' as a symbolic to let her go back to the universe.

That's when all my defense down. The act strong that i do since the first time i knew she died, the condolonces that i have to take from others, all the smile when i took the symphaty that came from my friends, i always want to look as my mother, never look sad in front of people. Suddenly all of my defence, my acting strong is gone. It just replace by my tears running so fast drop to the soil in her 'lifetime hole' when i realize the meaning of her question last saturday is to make sure that all of this time she been raise me well, knowing that her son is happy, so she can go with peace. She knew that her duty is finish when she knew that her rebel son is HAPPY.

Right now LOST is the word that fill my life day by day. Eventhough i hang around with my friends, having dinner outside, or just surounded by people and tons of work in the office. At the end of the day i know that i don't have her anymore. i LOST her in my own way. A way that only she can communicate with.

Love you mom...

HALF your AGE

A friend of mine celebrate his birthday last weekend then he and his friends goes to 'heaven' club to celebrate. By the time they got to the place, it's already midnight and the place already crowd.

A lot of youngster and some 'old', i mean really old....40 above... Considering my self in my golden age of 30...ha..ha..ha..

Having some drinks, glass by glass, then it feels a litle bit arouse by the alcohol and off course the crowd of men around. There it goes someone by the bar table looking at my friend and having some eye contact. My friend response and the young guy around the table bar makes his approach near.

With the quality of the alcohol and the temptation of the place, he don't need to know much about that young person next to him. The important thing is just to have the sensation of sexual that feeling inside to be release. Here they are having some deep kiss and grab this young sexy full butt also sneak his hand to the pants to 'feel' the size. Finish with the pre-sex elimination then my friend starting to talk. The first thing that he ask to the young sexy hot butt is how old is he?
The young sexy butt said that he is 16!

Oh My God!!! 16!!!!! "That's half my age!" my friend said.
It just make TURN OFF suddenly.....
"I'm not a phedopilia!" my friend said. And then he left the young sexy butt.

THURSDAY, 30th March '06

hmmm.... it was a 'shocking' day for me. I was hosting for companies event at one brand new mall 20km from Jakarta, then there I saw my ex walking with 'familiar faces' who turns out to be a friend of my friend and i also know him too. Then they standing and watching me.

It's not jealousy that i would like to highlight here, but 'familiar faces' that i would like to mention more this time.

Can you remember, hang out at Oh la la or Spice Garden or Red Peper with your friends, and then looking at some hot guy a cross then saying that,
"Eh, yang itu kentinya gede lho!" or
"Itu kan mantannya temen gue!" or
"Males banget ama tu orang kentinya kelinci!" or
"Kayaknya tampangnya familiar deh, pernah liat di JJ/2face/Heaven kali?" or
many other lines can be said to refer a person.

"familiar faces" means that we are known by someone else or we know that people but not too close or just the faces that we regularly see in our days. At work, mall, gym or even toilet???


As you know, being gay, makes our community more smaller and smaller.......
Hmmm....
Imagine that you are a sexual active person.
You are sleeping with one different person once a week,
and then multiple by 52 weeks,
so equals 52 people/year....

And then just counted for how many years that you've been Gay?
hmmm.....quite interesting number right?
:)

So.... how 'familiar faces' are you to others?
HA...HA....HA....HA....HA....HA.....